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Who Are We?

By Tim Hayes Okay, so here we all find ourselves, smack in the middle of a global crap storm. Everyone called on to share the burden, the inconvenience, the frustration, the anxiety, and for far too many, the pain and suffering and loss. And then, of course, entering stage left – the assholes, idiots, and […]

Hello, April

By Tim Hayes What if, at some point today, every inhabitant of planet Earth froze in place, looked up to the sky, and listened intently to a booming, sonorous baritone ringing down at us from the depths of space: “APRIL FOOLS! I just wanted to get your attention, Kids! Ha, ha! Everything will be back […]

A Jarring Transformation

By Tim Hayes Jarring transformations make us sit up and take notice. You look around and nothing looks recognizable anymore. Scary, exciting, confusing, adrenaline-pumping. We see it in superhero movies all the time. A cosmic mishap or a super serum or a surge of radiation or the arrival of a denser molecular alien among us. […]

Idiot Cakes

By Tim Hayes During my senior year in college, many (MANY) moons ago, my roommate and I lived in an apartment with bunk beds, a couch, a TV, an Atari game console, a bathroom, and a kitchen with a sink, stove, and oven. I took the top bunk, we played a lot of “Pong” on […]

The Cleansing Fire

By Tim Hayes Remember “Bambi?” All anybody wants to talk about is his mother getting shot by hunters, and that’s surely a very sad element of the story. But there’s another part of the movie I always found fascinating. It parallels Bambi’s own trajectory, from naïve waif to majestic adult stag, after enduring the tragic […]

Scenes from a Pandemic

By Tim Hayes There’s some kind of bug out there, have you heard? Sorta contagious, I believe. There’s no traffic on the road, yet somebody bought all the meat from the supermarket. What the hell is going on? As most right-thinking people do, I went straight to Twitter for the REAL story. Nothing but straight, […]


By Tim Hayes Years ago, as each of the kids learned to drive, we shared some thrilling experiences together, as most parents and their offspring do. One evening, after a maiden solo voyage with the car, our young driver came home clutching a torn sheet of paper, which read in angry scribble: LEARN HOW TO […]

A Grudging Respect

By Tim Hayes High on my list of favorite movies sits one that most people never heard of. It features three elements of a film that appeal to me most – it’s set in Pittsburgh, it stars Sylvester Stallone, and it’s funny as hell. It’s called “Grudge Match,” and tells the story of two senior-citizen […]

A Debatable Process

By Tim Hayes One’s an unrepentant socialist, the other’s a reprehensible billionaire. One’s a smug know-it-all, the other’s a shrill know-it-all. One’s a stumblebum old man who’s losing his marbles, the other’s a one-note wonder who doesn’t know when to exit the stage. Listen, they’ll tell you all about what’s wrong with their opponents. And […]

Mrs. Hunter, My First Boss

By Tim Hayes It’s been said in the business world that the most troublesome — yet potentially game-changing – variable in any organization comes in the form of people. The hiring process, when you get down to the nub of it, can be a tremendous gamble. You may get lucky and hire the perfect candidate, […]

CPO Coat

By Tim Hayes Thirteen is a tough age. You’re still figuring out where you stand on the chessboard of popularity. Who’s in, who’s out, who’s knocking on the door. The steamy, sticky ooze of peer pressure seeps into your consciousness, setting up housekeeping in your brain, until you evict it somewhere after high school graduation. […]

Musings at Mid-Flight

By Tim Hayes As my consciousness burst forth from what had been a sound sleep, I could tell I had somehow become airborne. Or, perhaps more appropriately, earthbound. Twisting like an Olympic diver, I saw the nightstand whiz by. After my jaw had smacked off and been scraped by the sharp metal corner of it, […]

Field of Screams

By Tim Hayes Making a living as a self-employed entrepreneur has its advantages. Freedom, variety, exciting engagements, continually keeping abject terror at bay, to name just a few. But ranking near the top, for me anyway, comes the dress code. When with clients, of course, it’s business appropriate. But when working from my home office, […]

Proven Wrong, Thank God

By Tim Hayes The first time I saw the place, it made me confused, angry, and upset. Eight years later, I got married there – loving it then, and loving it still. Allow me to explain. My family had piled into the Chevelle and taken the 60-minute ride to visit one of my cousins, a […]

Glasses, Tinted Rose

We said goodbye to my mother-in-law this week. What follows is my eulogy, a tribute to someone who – despite wearing “rose-colored glasses” – was not naïve. She was optimistically realistic, always seeing the good in people and situations, making her so easy to love. Rest in peace, Mom. Glasses, Tinted Rose From the hills […]

Beefsteak Blessings

By Tim Hayes Our eldest daughter, an accomplished professional woman now, with two bachelor’s and two master’s degrees, celebrated a birthday this past week. Our pride in all she has done and become has no bounds. This story occurs some years ago, when she was a lot smaller and the world seemed a lot simpler. […]

A Single Tear on a Silent Nigh...

By Tim Hayes Nothing felt right that Christmas Eve, and it had put me in a bad mood. I followed my parents, sisters, and grandmother into church for Midnight Mass, only to find that “our” pew – the one we had populated for years – had been usurped by a bunch of “twice-a-year” Catholics.  So […]

Revisiting 25 or 6 to 4

By Tim Hayes Anyone who writes for a living has been there. You’ve done the interviews, you’ve collected the information through research, the “reporting” part of the job has finished. Now comes the second act. Reading through all those notes and printouts and scribbles on one side of your desk, and glancing hesitantly at the […]

The Richest Man In Town

By Tim Hayes It started bubbling up, right on cue, as I knew it would. As soon as Mary throws open the front door and waves in half the town, with scatterbrained Uncle Billy carrying a large laundry basket full of bills and coins, dumping it onto the dining room table – I can feel […]

Plum Pudding

By Tim Hayes Of all the things I miss about Thanksgivings spent as a kid, few can be felt more keenly than going to my Aunt’s house with her family and mine sharing the bounteous feast together. First off, I loved this Aunt. She was naturally funny, warm, expressive, and embracing. I always felt happy […]

Long-Haired Music

By Tim Hayes Imagine being part of a sea of 2,500-plus dancing, shouting, singing revelers as the huge windup of the Beatles’ “Twist and Shout” builds…Ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhhh, WAAAAAAAA!!!…Shake it up baby! Twist and Shout!” Any guesses where this happened? At one of those knock-off Beatles tribute band concerts? Nope. On the streets of […]

Uncle Jim

By Tim Hayes My Uncle Jim was a bear of a guy, a man’s man, and it was impossible not to like him. He and my Aunt had three daughters, and since my Mom and Aunt were sisters, our family spent a lot of time at their house, and vice versa.  I loved them all, […]

Blockbuster Civility

By Tim Hayes We upgraded our cable TV service not too long ago, opening up expansive (and expensive) new vistas of options to waste time vegetating on the sofa. Indulging in one such stretch the other day, I discovered the “Buzzr” network, where they show old game shows. Clicking on something called “Blockbusters,” I settled […]

It’s Only Temporary

By Tim Hayes The evening prior to leading a day-long intense training and coaching program with about 60 managers of a global manufacturing company, a participant joined our table at dinner and struck up a conversation. This person was very much looking forward to hearing new thoughts and approaches to developing material to be presented […]


By Tim Hayes “’What do we do now?’ “Go back and watch any movie and you will see this line over and over again. And I dread reading scripts that have no women involved in their creation because inevitably I get to that part where the girl turns to the guy and she goes, ‘What […]

Finish the Play

By Tim Hayes So often in sports, especially football, during the post-game news conference a coach will lament a team’s loss by attributing it to not “finishing plays” – meaning that players failed to sustain their intensity and focus for the second longer it takes to make a tough catch, or tackle a speedy receiver, […]

Wisdom Highlights

By Tim Hayes Got a haircut the other day. For the past couple of years, as the clippings fall from my head onto the black cape, it jars me to look at the collection of snipped follicles collecting on my lap. Apparently, I’ve been turning steadily more gray with every turn in the stylist’s chair. […]

Rooftop Absolution

By Tim Hayes “The event is being held on floors three and four, Sir,” said the trim fellow holding the door open for me the other evening. Three and four? What did that mean? I followed the other attendees to the elevator and we all stepped off on the third floor, where the obligatory hors […]

Chain Break

By Tim Hayes For as long as we’ve lived in this neighborhood and its extended environs, we’ve seen him. Sweating in the summer, huffing in the winter, but always there. Like the tides, regular, predictable, a steady presence in an otherwise turbulent and chaotic world. Running. Down the steep quarter-mile roadway to the closest main […]

Sometimes the Tuba Loses

By Tim Hayes “Hayes, come and see me after school today – there’s a question I have for you,” said our high school band director. “Okay, Mr. B,” I replied, wondering whether I’d done something that would land me in trouble. Turned out not to be trouble, exactly. Only troubling. Later that day, in the […]

Bus Stop Stories

By Tim Hayes Driving out of our cul-de-sac the other morning, I spied a cluster of little kids, backpacks slung, faces eager and a little anxious, surrounded by moms looking every bit as nervous and excited. It’s been a few years since our little neighborhood has had that many young children, so the corner bus […]

Hatchet Job

By Tim Hayes Oh, the things we do for love, as the ‘70s pop band 10cc once sang. If only this story were about 10cc. Alas, it is not. This particular tale revolves around another band from that same era, Molly Hatchet. The mere mention of that name still sends shivers. Allow me to explain. […]


By Tim Hayes Some 25 years ago, the diagnosis first came down. Type 2 diabetes. Not really knowing all that the news would entail, life moved on. A new doctor added to the mix, some advice about diet and exercise, blood tests every few months. Not a huge imposition or swing to a radical alteration […]

Optical Delusions

By Tim Hayes On a rainy weekday lunch period in May, my friend Ken sat across the cafeteria table in our high school as we talked about moving on to college and whatever came after that. Ken liked math. He was good at it, and would go on to major in business and accounting. He […]

Landing at Dunkirk

By Tim Hayes As we climbed into the dark brown Chevelle, all of us, my Mom, Dad, and two sisters, for the drive up to Niagara Falls on a few days’ vacation, I immediately got into a scrap with my siblings over the usual topic. The middle seat in the back. The one with the […]

The Golden Rule(r)

By Tim Hayes At the age of nine, the lesson came home to me in a very real way. Courtesy of the Golden Ruler. And that’s not a typo. Although I suppose the Golden Rule could factor into the story, if you really want to stretch things. No, I mean the Golden Ruler. As in […]

Chef Is Displeased

By Tim Hayes After celebrating 37 of them, we have come to appreciate every wedding anniversary for the wonderful observance it represents, even as the details of one year’s celebration to the next have taken on vastly different directions and colors along the way. We’ve spent days luxuriating at mountaintop resorts. We’ve spent quiet evenings […]

There She Was…Smiling At Me

By Tim Hayes About three days before the wedding, when I was already living in our apartment in Indiana, PA, while my wife-to-be was still living in Pittsburgh, the phone rang after I got home from work, my sister on the other end. “Promise you won’t be mad?” she asked rather sheepishly, knowing how my […]

Falsity, Facts, and Facebook

By Tim Hayes The well-spoken, erudite, respected U.S. Senator from New York, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, uttered a few memorable sentences during his years serving under the Capitol Dome. But, as a one-time professional and ever-in-my-heart journalist, one of my favorite Moynihan-isms remained this gem: “You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled […]

I Listened to the New Sound of...

By Tim Hayes The neighborhood kids thought nothing of walking up the hill to the main drag of our little borough, climbing on a bus or trolley into Downtown, walking around the streets and hitting the big department stores and sporting goods shops and pizza places. Just another way to kill time on a summer […]

Don’t Hit The Floor

By Tim Hayes Family legend has it, as my father got the word while in the waiting room at the hospital — because dads didn’t get to go in the delivery room back then — that a son had been born, he did what Hayes men have done down through the generations. He passed out […]

Mastering One’s McGoogles

By Tim Hayes In the silly, funny, harmless, but otherwise forgettable 2001 Disney film, “Max Keeble’s Big Move,” the school bully, Troy McGinty, is regularly – and hilariously – laid low, quivering in fear and tears, at the sight of a TV-character frog named “McGoogle.” Don’t ask. When he’s not throwing smaller kids into lockers, […]

Thank You, Col. Burnham

By Tim Hayes Among the back pages of a magazine many years ago, shortly after the end of the Vietnam War, a small ad caught my eye: “P.O.W. Bracelets Available. Let them know you haven’t forgotten them.” For a nominal fee, I sent in the form and a few weeks later, received my Prisoner of […]

The Importance of Strategic Pa...

By Tim Hayes During a coffee shop conversation with a young student from my college alma mater the other day, I heard him say something that made me pause a second. “I think if you’re a decent person who works hard, you’ll do pretty well,” he said. It gave me pause not because I didn’t […]

Moms Are Awesome

By Tim Hayes “My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” – George Washington The Father of Our Country knew how important his mother was to his bearing, his success, his life. And if good old […]

A Step Too Far

By Tim Hayes Who’s ready for a pop quiz?  Here goes… Would you hand the keys to a brand-new Lamborghini to a 16-year-old kid with a learner’s permit? Would you offer a multi-million dollar NHL contract to a person who’s never been on ice skates? Would you pay $200 for a ticket to a Broadway […]

Game of Clones

By Tim Hayes Well, I hear tonight’s the big night.  “Game of Thrones” begins its final season on HBO, and we’re all expected to go completely ga-ga at the news, I guess. In the seven-year history of the program, it only caught my eye when the dragons appeared.  Otherwise, the appeal somehow never struck a […]

The Tree and She

By Tim Hayes The woman stepped cautiously into the oncologist’s office, accompanied by her daughter. The elderly patient, lightweight and frail, knew this was going to be an important discussion.  She also knew she might not remember all of the details accurately later, so thank God her daughter – her advocate and protector – would […]

T-Shirt Tuxedo

By Tim Hayes Of the three bands at my high school, Marching Band was the most fun, Concert Band the most challenging, and Stage Band by far the coolest. Playing drums in Stage Band opened up all sorts of possibilities.  We played jazz charts, meaning that different performers got to take extended solos – including […]

Delete the Adjectives

By Tim Hayes “He went through a brief Egyptian Period that baffled me – he tried to walk flat a great deal, sticking one arm in front of him and one in back of him, putting one foot behind the other.  He declared Egyptians walked that way; I said if they did I didn’t see […]

Just Point

By Tim Hayes About a decade ago, give or take, my parents moved from a single-family home into an apartment.  In the process, they downsized considerably, ridding the house of extraneous stuff, whittling down their wardrobes, holding garage sales, and shuffling whatever they could to my two sisters and me. Visits to their apartment – […]

The Portrait of Many Bright Co...

By Tim Hayes Once upon a time, many, many years ago, a man and a woman were given a son.  This little boy had very unusual qualities.  He called himself a prince.  He asked for a new mirror every Christmas and birthday.  He liked to tell his brothers and sisters and the children in his […]

My Battery Is Low and It’s Get

By Tim Hayes “My battery is low and it’s getting dark.” Such came the final message from Opportunity, the amazing little engine that could, after roaming around the surface of Mars for the past 15 years, sending images back to NASA all that time from the Red Planet. A ferocious dust storm finally did Opportunity […]

Bumbershoot Big Shot

By Tim Hayes After finally finding a garage with open spaces in Downtown Pittsburgh the other day, I dodged raindrops for the four-block walk to my next client appointment.  Fold-up umbrella in my hand, the sporadic drizzle didn’t warrant opening the thing up and carrying it all that distance. But it got me thinking about […]

Watchdog Down

Watchdog Down

By Tim Hayes It could have been a school board director, a township commissioner, or a borough council president yammering on.  Some weeks it was all three.  Regardless of the elected body, though, there I sat, notebook and printed agenda in hand, pen rapidly scratching notes as the debate wore on. Living the life of […]

Monday Monday

By Tim Hayes While lazily flipping through the channels late one evening, I stumbled onto one of those half-hour pitches for music CDs, this batch featuring songs from the ‘60s.  Staring with mildly scandalized expressions at the hairstyles and fashions shown on grainy old Ed Sullivan clips, I saw tune after tune scroll up the […]


By Tim Hayes So after a three-month hiatus, I resumed private boxing lessons last week – this time with a new trainer, since my old one had moved away – and quickly discovered how different this guy’s approach would be. “Okay, on your belly,” he commanded.  “Now, push up on your hands, keep your arms […]

The Richest Man In Town

The Richest Man In Town

By Tim Hayes It started bubbling up, right on cue, as I knew it would. As soon as Mary throws open the front door and waves in half the town, with scatterbrained Uncle Billy carrying a large laundry basket full of bills and coins, dumping it onto the dining room table – I can feel […]

Blame It On the Amygdala

Blame It On the Amygdala

By Tim Hayes Personal and professional obligations led me to drive past my high school this weekend – a welcome detour, since one week ago I attended my 40th Class Reunion from that very institution, and had an absolute blast. In one more piece of evidence that my brain has a mind of its own, […]

Bobby Knew

Bobby Knew

By Tim Hayes The alarm went off at 5:15 a.m.  Rarely a pleasant or welcome sign.  But this day, I let it slide.  This day, I had work to do.  A mission to fulfill. I lumbered out of bed, crawled into the shower, let the hot water and foamy sudsy soap spur the brain cells […]

Do Your Duty

By Tim Hayes Finally, silence. All of the hum-and-rattle, after all of the doomsday warnings of looming cataclysm, after all of the noise and misdirection carried into our living rooms and car radios by an unending onslaught of ridiculously logic-free commercials – it’s all over.  Finally. It’s just you and your conscience, alone in front […]

The Other

By Tim Hayes The Other.  Who is it? The easiest target in the world, that’s who.  It doesn’t require much thought, analysis, planning, or empathy.  Just point and click.  Easy. Poof!  An enemy has been created, custom-ordered to your own conflicting simultaneous senses of both externally expressed superiority and internally suppressed insecurity. Instant fear.  Immediate […]

Binary Blues

By Tim Hayes Mary and Joseph rode a dinosaur to Bethlehem. That sentence sounds ludicrous, right?  Ridiculous.  Crazy.  Insulting, even.  A purposely disrespectful exaggeration. But let’s think about this a bit more critically. If one believes, and is convinced beyond any doubt, that the earth is no more than 6,000 or so years old, why […]

The World at 3 a.m.

By Tim Hayes It had been an especially intense week.  Not a bad week, quite the opposite.  But an intense one, filled with big events that required enormous and careful planning, and greatly focused execution. By Friday evening, the thought of collapsing into bed and sleeping the sleep of the dead, as reward for the […]

The Writing Life

By Tim Hayes You ask a seven-year-old boy in the mid-1960s what he wants to be when he grows up, and you’ll get the expected responses – baseball player, policeman, fireman, even an astronaut like Major Nelson on “I Dream of Jeannie.” Then you ask me and get something altogether off-the-wall.  “I want to be […]

Like a Rhinestone Earworm

By Tim Hayes Hunched over the keyboard, a deadline bearing down upon me, the search for the perfect word proved elusive. Even wearing my well-worn Radio Shack headphones, tuned to pure white-noise static to block out any distractions, my brain cells refused to click, connect, or cooperate. And it sure as hell didn’t help that […]

That Face

By Tim Hayes On a warm late August evening, while standing in front of the main auditorium building of my brand-new college campus, mere steps away – unbeknownst to me – approached the source of my first and only heart attack.  Figuratively, that is. A magician or hypnotist or something would be performing inside shortly […]

Asking For It

By Tim Hayes Watching the Grammy Awards back in 1983, something happened that stuck in my head all these years since. The Australian band Men At Work won the award for Best New Artist, having scored No. 1 hits on the Billboard Hot 100 chart with “Living In a Land Down Under” and “Who Can […]

The Intersection of Artistry a...

By Tim Hayes The theory goes like this.  The left hemisphere of the human brain controls logical, linear, sequential thinking, while the right controls the more creative, artistic, and expressive. Some blending of these two counterbalancing poles of thought, impulse, and action goes on constantly, of course.  But for most people, one type of thinking […]

Blank Canvass

By Tim Hayes Having driven past this little enclave a million times – and that’s an exaggeration, but not that far from reality, actually – I found myself there at last, standing next to a friend, who rapped on the faded, splintered screen door of the rusted trailer home, perched along a muddy bank of […]

Faith of Our Fathers

By Tim Hayes I am a lapsed Catholic. That statement gives me no satisfaction, no pride.  But it does give me some hope.  At least I’m not a former Catholic.  Not yet.  But that line is a lot closer to being crossed today than at any other time in my life. My sisters and I […]

Then They Came For Me

By Tim Hayes TV host Lou Dobbs this week said he supported the White House’s decision to ban a CNN reporter from a press event for asking President Trump questions earlier that day.  “My question is, who the hell are you?” Dobbs said after reading CNN’s statement about the ban. “The president does insist on respect.  It’s about […]

Someplace Special

By Tim Hayes Over the past week, clients and associates and friends – none of whom had ever known or been introduced to each other – crossed paths three times.  As George on “Seinfeld” would cry, “Worlds are colliding!” but it didn’t surprise me at all.  It’s absolutely a non-event, par for the course. And […]


By Tim Hayes Poseidon in Greek mythology and Neptune in Roman.  Sumandra in Hindu, Tefnut in Egyptian, and Mazu in Chinese.  Heck, even Aquaman in the comic books. All gods of water, the liquid source and sustenance of life.  Entire cultures worship water for its irreplaceable role in keeping the planet alive.  We twist a […]

Beware the Brain Fart

By Tim Hayes Seated in a giant semi-circle of metal folding chairs, clad in a starched white dress shirt, black slacks, and clip-on necktie from Sears, I awaited my turn in the citywide spelling bee. The bee took place in a cavernous auditorium within what had been known as the Buhl Planetarium on the North […]

Flag Day Funk

Flag Day Funk

By Tim Hayes A couple of weeks ago, heavy rains and strong, gusty winds tore through our little corner of the world, blowing window screens into the driveway and snapping the cord that held up our American flag outside the front door. This past Thursday, June 14, I finally got around to restringing the pole […]

Of Poetry and Pie

By Tim Hayes My friend Tom and I sat at his mother’s dining room table, agonizing over this accursed high school English assignment – reading Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.”  And as though that weren’t tortuous enough, our teacher expected us to actually think about it and offer our own personal analysis of the various characters’ […]

Turning Violet Around

By Tim Hayes Everybody knew about Violet. A longtime employee, Violet carried a pretty sizeable chip on her shoulder.  She enjoyed creating havoc.  She had a masterful way of pitting her peers against each other one day, then uniting them in vocal opposition to their shared manager the next.  She had perfected the art of […]

Sacred Space

By Tim Hayes This would be a special day, so I wore my best suit and favorite tie.  On this day, I would be meeting a personal hero.  I didn’t want to let him down, after all he did for me and my family. Standing amid a group of other professionals in a special section […]

Converting Nostalgia Into Acti...

Converting Nostalgia Into Action

By Tim Hayes I grew up in a great place, in a great time.  Mt. Oliver Borough, in the ‘60s and ‘70s, to be precise. The old-style corner store, run by the older couple, who’d extend your folks credit until payday, and who aired their family business all day in front of their loyal customers.  […]

A Study In Trash

A Study In Trash

By Tim Hayes Would you trust a bunch of 12-year-old boys, armed with brushes and stencils and buckets of oil-based paint, turned loose on the utility poles of your local municipality’s main business district? Well, they did in 1973.  And pockets of proof can still be seen, barely, all these years later on a handful […]

Mushrooms: A Love Story

By Tim Hayes “Would you look at this kid?  He could be a brain surgeon.” The chatter from my parents around the Formica-topped kitchen table became nothing more than background noise.  Important work lay before me.  Lengthy, precise, essential work. Picking microscopic chunks of mushroom out of that evening’s tuna casserole dinner entrée, that is. […]

Archie and the Hose

By Tim Hayes In my old neighborhood, green space remained at a premium.  We had a small backyard, a strip of grass beside the house, and a tiny patch in front. To prove the point, we had a manual push-mower from Sears.  No gas engine, no extension cord, just you and any kinetic energy you […]

Making God Laugh

By Tim Hayes The fellow in the front seat of the car probably was thinking about dinner that night.  Would he go out?  Maybe just grill up some hot dogs, stay in, and rent a movie on pay-per-view? The lady wanted to get her bicycle across the street.  Maybe to get back home, maybe to […]

Aiming for Them

By Tim Hayes The blue Buick Regal sped down the highway, its undercarriage rattling, its shock absorbers pleading for sweet mercy.  Spring in Pittsburgh, and the potholes had begun to bloom. There I sat, feet on the pedals, hands on the wheel, mere days after passing my driver’s test and becoming a licensed operator of […]

This Is The Only Day

By Tim Hayes We had only been married about two or three years, living for the first time at an appreciable distance from any family, and broke as hell. After finishing dinner at the all-you-can-eat Pizza Hut Buffet one evening, we carefully loaded some slices into a carryout box to serve as lunches and maybe […]


By Tim Hayes A comedian I saw on TV not long ago did a full five minutes on sleep, and how ridiculous it would sound to aliens trying to understand us earthlings. “Okay, so you mean that these creatures, the very top of the food chain around here, with brains that can outperform any other […]

Claustrophobic Costanza

By Tim Hayes Okay, so we drive up to Rochester, New York, just the two of us, to see our daughter at college.  We purposely chose this particular weekend because it fell in the middle of a slow time of year, no holidays, no heavy traffic on the New York Thruway.  Just an easy up-and-back […]

Tracy the Brave

By Tim Hayes I can’t even begin to imagine the courage required. Picture this.  A Catholic elementary school, grades one through eight.  About 400 students in all.  And every single one of them white.  Sure, they broke out by family heritage, the Germans outnumbered everyone else, but you had Italian, Irish, Polish.  Most of Western […]

A Little Neighborhood Hole in ...

By Tim Hayes Everybody needs one.  That place you find that fits your style.  That serves up great food.  That makes you feel at home every time you walk in the place. We found ours about a year after we moved back to our hometown of Pittsburgh, more than 25 years ago.  This little hole […]

Angel on the Line

By Tim Hayes In the (then unbeknownst to me) waning days of my final corporate PR employment, a full 18 years ago now, I found myself sitting in slack-jawed amazement while listening to a speaker bowl over a ballroom full of people. My reason for attending this event tied to the fact that I had […]

Free and Unfettered

Free and Unfettered

By Tim Hayes In the new film “The Post,” the Nixon White House in 1971 attempts to squash release of the Pentagon Papers, a secret and unflattering government assessment of the Vietnam War.  The administration threatened the publisher and editor of The Washington Post with contempt – a federal offense, punishable by imprisonment – should […]

Beefsteak Blossoms

Beefsteak Blossoms

By Tim Hayes Our eldest daughter, an accomplished professional woman now, with two bachelor’s and two master’s degrees, celebrated a birthday this past week.  Our pride in all she has done and become has no bounds.  This story occurs some years ago, when she was a lot smaller and the world seemed a lot simpler. […]

Show Towels

Show Towels

By Tim Hayes Nobody’s supposed to touch them.  Ever. They’re the bathroom “show” towels.  You know, the ones hung there just for show.  The ones that get thrown in the washer twice a year, along with the curtains. The show towels have no practical use, no primary working function.  The idea of drying one’s hands […]

A Single Tear on a Silent Nigh...

By Tim Hayes Nothing felt right that Christmas Eve, and it had put me in a bad mood. I followed my parents, sisters, and grandmother into church for Midnight Mass, only to find that “our” pew – the one we had populated for years – had been usurped by a bunch of “twice-a-year” Catholics.  So […]

The Secretary

By Tim Hayes “The Secretary is coming.  The Secretary is coming!” It marked the first time I ever saw grown men panic in a professional setting. My first foray into public relations, after three years working as a newsroom journalist fresh out of college, occurred with the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, or PennDOT in the […]

Magic Puck

By Tim Hayes Gosh, we really thought this idea would work.  Ah, to be young and foolish and fearless again. We – meaning my fellow members of a corporate communications team and I – had somehow convinced a regional executive to don a hockey sweater and gloves, grab a hockey stick, and slap-shot a puck […]

Plum Pudding

By Tim Hayes Of all the things I miss about Thanksgivings spent as a kid, few can be felt more keenly than going to my Aunt’s house with her family and mine sharing the bounteous feast together. First off, I loved this Aunt.  She was naturally funny, warm, expressive, and embracing.  I always felt happy […]

Celebrating the Second Fiddle

By Tim Hayes “Oh, for cryin’ out loud, you have got to be kidding,” I said to no one, while driving down the highway the other day.  “This is getting to be just stupid.” The thing that got my dander up?  An announcement on the radio that around-the-clock Christmas music was about to begin.  The […]

The King and Queen of Hallowee...

By Tim Hayes The trick-or-treaters will soon be upon us, primarily elementary-aged urchins chaperoned by their parents, politely ringing doorbells mostly in the fading sunset, while local police cruisers slowly make their rounds to ensure safe passage. It’s all so…uneventful.  Rote.  Predictable.  Shrink-wrapped for your protection.  Some communities have parents drive their cars into big […]