By Tim Hayes

There’s some kind of bug out there, have you heard? Sorta contagious, I believe. There’s no traffic on the road, yet somebody bought all the meat from the supermarket. What the hell is going on?

As most right-thinking people do, I went straight to Twitter for the REAL story. Nothing but straight, objective, truth-telling on Twitter, boy oh boy. And some pretty funny and occasionally touching, observations, like these…

I’ve seen several people making jokes about how much it sucks to quarantine with your significant other and I…do not relate? I married someone that I LIKE.

Crazy how grocery store workers had no idea they signed up for the draft.

I feel like I’m somehow stuck back in that weird time period between Christmas and New Year’s, where anything goes.

Whenever you think, “There’s no way there are that many dumb people in the world,” you’re quickly reminded: Yes, yes there are that many dumb people in the world.

Due to coronavirus precaution, Bob Shellard isn’t allowed to visit his wife in her Connecticut nursing home. So he stood outside her window and held up a sign that said, “I’ve loved you 67 years and still do. Happy Anniversary.”

America must’ve said somethin’ about this virus’s momma. This s**t took out baseball, Disneyland and Tom Hanks in 24 hours.

My 5-year-old sings “Happy Birthday” every time she washes her hands, and my 2-year-old cries that there’s no cake.

Even with the Coronavirus panic-buying, no one wants to eat vegan food.

Been homeschooling a 6-year old and 8-year old for one hour and 11 minutes. Teachers deserve to make a billion dollars a year. Or a week.

8-year-old is covered in paint. 17-year-old is not speaking to me because pandemic is ruining her social life and it is obviously my fault.

If I had a dollar for each time my 15- and 12-year-olds rolled their eyes at me this morning alone, I could buy some black-market toilet paper.

Oh, now Bernie has gone too far. He just said the Coronavirus should get free tuition. C’mon, man.

And, finally, this from someone named Laura Kelly Fanucci:

When this is over, may we never again take for granted…A handshake with a stranger / Full shelves at the store / Conversations with neighbors / A crowded theater / Friday night out / The taste of communion / A routine checkup / The school rush each morning / Coffee with a friend / The stadiums roaring / Each deep breath / A boring Tuesday / Life itself.  When this ends, may we find that we have become more like the people we wanted to be, we were called to be, we hoped to be, and may we stay that way – better for each other because of the worst.

Gosh, I wish I’d written that.

Stay safe. Stay hopeful. Stay sane. And stay away from the meat counter at the store. It’s empty.

Copyright 2020 Timothy P. Hayes