Is Anything Secret? – Timothy Hayes

By Tim Hayes

Scandal of scandals! The outcomes of professional wrestling matches are predetermined!

In other breaking news, the sun is hot and water is wet. Film at 11.

This week, a blogger who goes by the alias “Dolphins1925” has taken it upon himself to divulge the results of numerous World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) matches before they occur – and he’s been 100% right on each one, including a recent pay-per-view match.

Dolphins1925 explains himself thusly: “I am just a WWE fan like everyone else, and I am getting my information from a source who has VERY credible inside information regarding the outcomes (win/losses) of the matches themselves. Given that this information is out there, we both feel that I should continue to share this information until it garners the attention of WWE.”

And the world asks, “Why? Who cares? Are Vegas gamblers losing so much money on these scripted live-action 3-D cartoons that they’re begging for an inside track?”

Or maybe Dolphins1925 aspires to the big league secret-uncoverers of Edward Snowden and Julian Assange? I mean, if you’re gonna spill the beans about something, why not go big? Divulge state secrets or internationally embarrassing communications! Go underground and live every day looking over your shoulder, waiting for the long arm of the law to finally nab you! The outcomes of professional wrestling matches? Come on, Dolphins1925, that’s kid stuff!

All of which begs the question: Can’t anybody keep a secret any more? I think we all know the answer to that. Much brighter minds than mine have posed this question for centuries. Benjamin Franklin, no slouch in the intellect department, had this to say on the topic: “Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

That Benny. What a card.

Here in the modern era, we find ourselves at a clear and distinct disadvantage when it comes to keeping secrets. Five years ago, you couldn’t hold a piece of plastic, metal, and circuitry in your hand, snap a photo or record a message, and send it to millions of people all over the earth within seconds. You couldn’t post an observation, an accusation, or article of intimidation for untold thousands of strangers to ingest and thereby form an opinion about someone else. But you can do all of those things today.

The age of keeping secrets may not have passed entirely, but the rules and the challenges around it sure have changed. “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling can vouch for this, after it was revealed – by a partner at the law firm representing her, no less – that she was the actual writer of a novel released under a male pseudonym. According to news reports, the attorney allegedly blabbed to a friend of his wife, who promptly tweeted the tittilating news to the British press. J.K. is justifiably and royally pissed.

These facts of life mean people need to choose how open they want to be, because the risks loom larger in today’s open communications society.

Actress and activist Angelina Jolie has made her choice, and explains it as follows: “I would like to be open with the public. I would like to not keep secrets or be careful when I talk. I want to say my opinions and I hope they’re taken in the right way. I don’t want to stop being free. And I won’t.”

A courageous decision. What’s yours?